i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
