its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
