um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
