38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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