Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
