Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
