if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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