i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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