My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
