last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
