"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
