Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
