Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
