That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
