Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
