I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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