my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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