Little spoons don't ask big questions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
