covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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