It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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