I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
