She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
