Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
