drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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