Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
