idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
