i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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