he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
