Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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