false alarm. still invincible.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Boobs are out for the taking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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