Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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