you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
