I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
