The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
