Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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