The maid of honor just puked.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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