she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
