mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can't special order awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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