I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sobbing to NWA
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
