So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
