You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
