the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
