Apparently you make a good broom.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
