woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
