apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
