See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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