I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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