I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
