Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dignity is for republicans.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
