my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
time to smoke my breakfast
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
