I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
