Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
