it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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