just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
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