my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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