I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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