i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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